Most road tests suck because they just talk about handling, power, brakes, and comfort.  There is no story. It’s just a sad compilation of disparate elements, lazily edited to 800 words. These reviews never illustrate the summed experience of how the car performs from start to finish in a singular adventure. 

No Audi review is complete without espousing how well the Quattro system performs with a dusting of snow, or rain slicked roads.  That does not count.  This review will demonstrate the true capabilities of the Quattro system in the most extreme conditions that any owner will experience.  Powder, packed snow, icy ruts, frozen highways, and torrential rain provide the perfect opportunity to fully establish the systems capabilities.  How can these absurd conditions be encountered in one adventure?  Ask anyone who has skied the East. It’s a mess, and this trip was no different.  Don’t get too excited yet, because much like good sex, this review starts slow, finally gets a little hot, then rough, and ends with a bang.

Packing for a ski trip is never easy because not only do you need overnight food, but the skis, boots, and jackets take up an unbelievable amount of space.  When you pack, you realize why parking lots at Sugarloaf are stuffed with Yukon XLs.  Anything smaller struggles to accommodate more than two people.  So, how did four of us manage in a relatively small A6 Avant?  Let’s just say that next time, we are not inviting the snowboarder.  The ski pass is too small so we reluctantly rested the snowboard over the center section of the rear seat-back.  A more efficient 40:20:40 split rear seat that is much more common in modern cars would have solved our problems.  Maybe Chevy knew something that Audi didn’t with the rear captain seats and center opening in the Volt.  No, I’m not endorsing the Volt as an ideal four-person ski trip vehicle, but new cars truly offer ingenious packaging solutions that can make any car suitable for any task.  I’m sure the Honda Fit would have been just as accommodating for a four-person road trip simply because the level of engineering put towards packaging rather than aluminum double wishbone suspension components.

I told you this review would start slow and gentle.  Before the foreplay ends, I’m going to discuss the virtuous features of the audio system in the A6.  The car was designed before iPod connectivity became standard in automobiles, and fortunately it was long before.  The A6 was designed when cassette players were still reasonable to find in a new luxury car, which ultimately is its savior.  I can insert a cassette disk into the system with an AUX cord attached, and through some miracle on level with turning water into wine, a digital source can play through a seemingly analog system.  Some new cars still require you to pay hundreds of dollars to get the same function as a technology that was all but obsolete before people realized Beanie Babies’ were useless.  CD players, while a much newer technology, are even more obsolete than the cassette deck for modern consumers.  Dolby 5.1 for life. 

Taking the A6 on a road trip is unbelievably comfortable, but definitely won’t be setting any fuel efficiency records like the A8 TDI in Top Gear.  This engine and transmission configuration was tuned before efficiency was the most important marketing feature, and it’s easy to tell.  The 5-speed automative will not upshift until absolutely necessary.  Modern cars upshift to 9th before 30 and will have to drop 5 gears just to merge onto the highway.  The A6, though, will stay in any gear as long as it takes.  It sometimes feels like the transmission is playing chicken with you, taunting you to red line it.  Why not, the car won’t be paying for the ticket from the overzealous New Hampshire State Police.  This car is no Jeep Cherokee, and when driving it around town, the A6 consistently fails to see 20mpg.  For a car that sees less than 8,000 miles a year, the fuel economy is not very important, though. 

Finally, the snow covered parking lot at Sunday River offered no challenge, but taunted the RWD biased Audi to conduct some illicit, but smooth and controlled drifting.  The all-season Michelin MXM4 tires offer just enough grip to keep the car moving, but in the bitter cold, the compound cannot hang on forever.  This allows for amazing slides.  And unlike modern Audi’s, the traction and stability control are turned off with a quite press of a button ironically located adjacent to the hazard lights.  After an icy day of skiing, the real challenges start for the Quattro system.  This is where you both decide to establish a safe word before proceeding.  Unfortunately, as I’ve already written 800 words, the rest will be delivered at a later date.